I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
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