i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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