If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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