WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I'm always down for nudity.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
