i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
