i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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