oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
