I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
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