remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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