He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
