You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
