guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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