I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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