Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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