I am in a vortex of obligation.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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