i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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