Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Randomize
