I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Thank you for not boning my boss.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
It all started with a game of naked twister.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize