She's JV to your varsity
there's paper in my vomit.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
