On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize