your thong is hanging out like whoa
A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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