Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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