I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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