Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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