are you still at the devil's house?
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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