I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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