i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
