Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
