He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
