I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
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