but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
