so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Never joke about your clitoris.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
