Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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