I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I think I won the penis lottery.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
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