My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
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