At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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