the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
