There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Randomize
