I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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