i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize