I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
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