I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
