Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Randomize