Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
