Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
