I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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