I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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