okay pat passed out under dana's car
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize
