I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
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