1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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