I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize