I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Randomize
