think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
