That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
you inspire me to be a worse person
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Randomize
