Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
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