i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
