So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
