Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
