you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Is it because I queefed?
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
