"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
