READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Barsexuality is the new black.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
