do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
