did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
