i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Randomize
