Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
