Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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