My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
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