So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Fuck appropriateness.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
