You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
