What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize