Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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