You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
