Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize