He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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