Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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