Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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