Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
