eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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