We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
