awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize