He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
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