I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
