margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Found the puke drawer
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
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