The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
