dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Randomize
