franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
