if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Randomize
