Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
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