I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Randomize
