Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
