It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
either way he was missing a nipple.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
