I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
