Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
