Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
