well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
