i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
