I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
She bit a glass in half.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize