She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I think a kid would responsible me up
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
