oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
